


No More What Ifs

by mochibeeans



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Christmas date with Akechi, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Jazz, M/M, Not Beta Read, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:13:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25216045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mochibeeans/pseuds/mochibeeans
Summary: When Goro Akechi reappears on Christmas Eve, Ren is desperate to do anything to spend at least one night with him before he has to go...(A "what-if" scenario where Ren is able to take Goro out on a date for Christmas Eve.)
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 9
Kudos: 55
Collections: Day 1 - Jazz and Music





	No More What Ifs

**Author's Note:**

> Note: This takes place in Royal and in my personal headcanon, Goro doesn't fully realize the fake reality Maruki has created until after he's released from prison.

The soft glow that emanated from the Christmas lights decorating the streets of Kichijoji made Goro feel timid. The holidays were never a time he spent with anyone, and he never expected it to be with _him_. Something was off. The gap in his memory, at least, not so much his companions' kindness. Nonetheless, that didn’t matter now. 

It was Christmas Eve and he and Ren were on the way to Jazz Jin for the evening. The two of them walked side by side through slushy snow on their way. Ren, to his left, had a small smirk on his face, slightly hidden beneath the newly bought blue scarf he wore. 

“The look on your face is quite smug, you know.” 

Ren broke into a grin and looked towards Goro, his gray eyes filled with laughter. “I just got the chance to spend the night with you, at the plea of Sae Nijima, of all people.” 

Now _that_ did make Goro chuckle. 

“You did make quite the scene back there.” He hummed, shutting his eyes and reliving the look on Ren’s face when he appeared from the crowd. 

* * *

Ren, standing alongside Sae, had just agreed to her deal to go to prison. Goro’s memory was hazy, only filled with glimpses of a day to day life before Christmas Eve, still it was fate once more that he had seen Ren in the busy Shibuya square. Out of all his strange memories, Goro did know one thing: that he had been searching for him. 

_"Not that I’d admit that…"_

After interrupting the prosecutor the look on Ren’s face at the sight of him was hysterical. Actually, Goro couldn’t help by just being a little dramatic, tapping his foot and smirking at the young man who only opened and closed his mouth in shock. His cheeks from beneath those fake glasses were certainly pink too and Goro indulged in the thought of that being caused by him and not the chill in the air. 

Still he he was there for one reason and one alone, taking his chance he exchanged a deal with Sae and the two were about to leave before he felt a hand grab his wrist. 

“Akechi, wait!” 

Goro looked back and felt his pulse quicken, his own fist clenching at the foreign touch. Their eyes met and in this moment, Goro thought Ren looked neither like the confident leader he could last recall, but of a boy who looked completely deflated, the look in his eyes poignant of that fact. 

“Akechi.” Ren’s voice was forceful. “Just tonight. Please.” 

For a moment there was silence. Goro only looked at his wrist and Ren promptly let go. Adjusting his glove he looked at the snow beginning to fall, feeling his own face redden. 

“You’re selfish, Amamiya.” 

Sae making an _“ahem”_ noise made the two boys jump. “If you have unfinished business, it’s best you resolve it now.” Deep within Goro couldn’t find it in himself to refuse. He looked at Sae who only nodded at him. “You have until midnight. I’ll be outside of Leblanc by then…” 

“Thank you, Sae-san.” She said nothing to him, but left with a final wave towards Ren. Goro looked away sadly. 

At first, it was awkward. Questions fell from both of their mouths, though, the two were without answers. Then it was quiet. Surrounding them was laughter from the Shibuya crowd, bright lights and ever so cheery holiday music. Goro’s head was spinning and Ren seemed to be shivering, only wearing his blazer. 

“H-hey,” Ren finally spoke up, his teeth chattering a little. “Why don’t we go to Jazz Jin for tonight?” 

Goro felt at ease by his words. The thought of the bar brought him some comfort. 

“Let’s go.” He nodded, before adding, “But, with all that shivering, I’m buying you a scarf first.” 

* * *

And here they were, Goro could hear the underground clubs music not too far off now. Returning back to reality, he didn’t realize the remark he had made would have made such a large impact on Ren, as there was currently a finger pointed at his chest. 

“Oh, and you didn’t think I would freak out at you showing up out of nowhere like that? I could tell you were enjoying every second.”

Goro blinked as Ren went on, “You’ll never believe the insane day I’ve had, Akechi! Actually, maybe you might. But still! You’re going to regret asking me to Jazz Jin after the earful I-”

“You’re the one who invited me here.” 

“-give you!” Ren groaned, his hand rubbing his temple. 

Goro couldn’t help but laugh a little as they approached the entrance, his worries all but drifting away at the humor behind Ren's words and the sound of the music below. 

“Sounds like an interesting story. After you.” Ren huffed and adjusted his frames as he walked downstairs. 

After they were seated and ordered their drinks, Goro realized just how much he had longed to be here again. 

The moody ambience of the bar, a mature atmosphere he had craved to imitate long ago. It called to him. It was like a second home, that is, before he stepped foot in Leblanc last summer. 

But most importantly, the _sounds_ of the music. He couldn’t help by being a fan of jazz, the comforting beat of a sweet, sad song and lyrics that resonated with him so much, especially when he would come here after long days of being his other self; whether that was being a celebrity prince or a black mask, this place always welcomed him. 

Goro took a sip of his Christmas themed drink quietly. He and Ren had not said much yet, though he was awaiting him to speak about this so called “insane day”. But, Ren said not a word. He just gave him a small smile before taking a sip of his own drink. He did not mind the silence, the music lifted all his worries away for now.

Zoning out, he recalled before entering that the singer would be here tonight and he was so grateful to be able to hear her voice once more, this last time.. 

_“She’s going to sing my favorite song, just like always.”_

“...Akechi?” 

Lost in thought again, it seems.

Ren was giving him another sappy smile, leaning on the table. He has looked so at ease tonight, nothing but quips and laughter since they departed. 

Goro looked up with a sigh. They’d been here many times before, but in the lighting he took a good look at Ren. His curly black hair looked as disheveled as always. He never noticed how long Ren’s eyelashes were, or how soft his face looked under the dim lights. Nor how genuine his smile seemed to be.

He looked tired too. Goro even noticed some light bruises on his cheeks. But despite it all, he looked pleased. He was such a fool, to be here with him, when he could be with one of his friends. Or even, the odd cat, Morgana who seemed to always be at his side. Goro almost asked where he was, but thought better of it. In all honesty, he was glad they were alone. 

“How could you spend tonight with me, Ren? Not to mention.. Here. I’m surprised you still come.” Goro couldn’t help feeling a little on guard, what with his strange memories and the look Ren was giving him. It was all too much. 

Ren gave him another grin. “Okay first off, I’ve always been a fan of jazz and secondly, why wouldn’t I, Akechi? Actually.. I wished for it. ” He winked. “Seems like it came true. I’m just that lucky, you know. Escaping death by the hands of a handsome-”

“We can talk about that part later..” Goro rolled his eyes.

Ren sighed and continued.

“-Stealing hearts, shooting God in the face. All that jazz.”

Goro choked on his drink and Ren looked entirely unfazed. “P-pardon, would you repeat that last bit?” He coughed, a hand to his chest. Ren chuckled at Goro’s contorted eyebrows and quizzical expression. “Who's shocked now, huh?” 

Soon, they both fell into a comfortable conversation surrounded by the tunes of the night. 

* * *

On the way back to Leblanc, the two felt a little tipsy. Perhaps, Goro was still under the spell of his favorite singer or maybe… 

He groaned. As they walked, Ren was shoulder to shoulder with him, not even realizing how close they were. 

“I wonder,” the boy snorted, “If maybe they forgot to make our drinks virgin. Hey are-”

Goro’s face flushed. “Stop right there and _no_ , you’re just an idiot, Amamiya. Seriously, you never act like this out of the Metaverse. It’s embarrassing.” He teased him, hating how warm he felt. 

“I missed that tone of yours.” Ren laughed. Goro checked his watch and sighed feeling his nerves return. Leblanc was just around the corner. They had enough time to maybe warm up inside and he was sure to get this fool a glass of water.. 

_“People come and they go.”_

Goro’s heart stopped. 

_“Some people may stay with you though.”_

He shut his eyes. Ah, so Ren could sing too. Beautifully, of course.

The deep sound of his singing voice was like honey, sweet and tempting. Goro felt like he might melt. The brunette welcomed the drops of snow that cooled his cheeks as Ren continued to sing his favorite song. The one that had been stuck in his head all night since the bar. 

_“I am all alone tonight and I kept on asking myself questions…”_

Ren continued with the rest, slowly pulling into him as they walked, their hands brushing. Goro bit his lip at the subtle touches. 

As Ren continued to sing, Goro began to hum along, enjoying the harmony they created. Goro loved this song deeply. His eyes watery, he felt himself finally lean into Ren. 

“Interesting how I learn something new about you all the time. You can sing.” He spoke after ending their song. Goro sighed into his blazer taking in all of him. The bitter aroma of coffee, fresh cologne and the subtle scent of sweat lingered off of Ren. 

Taking out the keys to the cafe, Ren smiled at him. “You’re not so bad yourself, Akechi. Maybe we should sing another song, inside? Upstairs?” 

Goro grumbled and shoved him lightly. But, he wasn't completely opposed to the thought. 

Inside Leblanc, Goro took a seat, a soft look plastered on his pink face. Ren welcomed him back, asking if he wanted any coffee, "his treat", apparently. Despite how good the coffee here was, Goro waved him off politely. "That so? You just like Bosses coffee better than mine, huh?"

Goro smirked. "Maybe I do, jealous?"

Ren huffed playfully, but not without a grin. "Just a little. Oh! Wait, I wanted to show you something." 

That's all he could really do, he thought. Wait. 

As Ren went upstairs, Goro took in the nostalgic sight around him. Seeing the quaint café again was so comforting. His true home, if he could have had one. It could only ever remind him of the curly-haired young man. On the outside, it seemed to be nothing overtly special. But within, everywhere you looked there was something to admire, something fascinating, and the atmosphere was always inviting for more. 

When Ren returned, he had retrieved a mini-turntable from upstairs. Akechi noticed the vinyl's he brought with him. His eyes immediately went to the one with the singer "Lyn". A 45-record of Goro's favorite song, the one he heard twice tonight. 

“You have that song on vinyl?” Goro felt a little shocked, he never thought Ren _really_ did enjoy it like he did. 

Ren gently slid the disc out of its casing and let the music flow after setting it on the turntable. He looked shy for once. Taking off the scarf, he rubbed the back of his neck. “I bought it after the night you first took me there.” 

Goro indulged in the crackling recording from the stereo and only stared up at Ren who stood just a few steps in front of him, leaning against the café counter. 

“..Goro, this song always reminds me of you. I used to always hum it after our nights there.”

He felt his heart race at Ren saying his name. Immediately, he felt his cheeks warm up and he tried not to snarl. 

Ren smiled warmly and reached out his hand. “Thank you. For having this night with me.” 

_"Does he have to get all sappy with me? I can’t take this anymore."_

With a groan Goro stood up. Swiftly he grabbed Ren’s hand and let his other move beneath his back. Their bodies touching, Ren's eyes widened as Goro stared at him, his expression serious. For a moment they could only stare, close enough to feel the beat of one another’s hearts. The tension melted as Ren studied his face. His lips quirked upward and without a word, he leaned closer to him. 

As their lips met, Goro loved how soft he felt against him. It was so like Ren, to be gentle. As Goro shut his eyes, he kissed him back hungrily, only wanting more. He felt a mixture of anger and longing. Angry that neither of them had done this sooner. Relieved that it was finally happening.

The time it lasted meant everything, and as Ren’s arms pulled him closer he only felt himself wishing that this night could last forever.

When they caught their breath and looked at each other, red and gray were the only colors Goro felt were left on this earth. 

"You're a good kisser.." Ren said breathlessly. 

"Does that surprise you?" He licked his lips, playing with the curly black bangs that fell on Ren's forehead. His hair was so soft. Leaning into the boy, he considered him the only person on this earth he truly cared about. Their faces were burning, but the fire inside felt so good. 

Goro's eyes lingered at Ren’s lips; looking up he could see the blush on his cheeks and the mischievous look in his eyes. 

"A-anymore and you'll have to make Nijima-san wait a little longer.." Ren laughed, diverting his eyes from Goro's passionate looks. He sighed irritably at the thought. Ren was still leaning against the counter of Leblanc, Goro against him. Mellowly, he took his hand and smiled as both of their fingers intertwined.

The two sat together in a booth, Ren's arm wrapped around Goro, who now was resting his chin against the other's shoulder. The song he loved was once again coming to a close.

Allowing themselves to finally break free, Goro checked his watch and Ren looked at him with hopelessness. 

“Goro, I.. .” 

Now standing, the brunette adjusted his coat. “I’ve always felt the same. Did that not just prove it to you?” 

Ren laughed, his eyelashes fluttering. Goro gave him a longing smile, and then, he remembered something. Looking at the floor of the café, suddenly he felt at a loss. Once more, Goro searched his memories. One of the few things he could recall seeing in the news was Masayoshi Shido’s confession. 

“Regarding Shido, thank you. For keeping your promise.” 

Ren grabbed Goro’s hand suddenly, and he jumped. Looking back, Ren was giving him a look of pure sincerity, his gray eyes shining. “As much as the others would want me to say we stole his heart for myself and this city, it was just as much about you than it was about anything else.” 

Ren’s words just kept on slipping out.

“I love you..."

Goro winced.

"A-and, I know whatever I say, you’re going through with this, anyway. The reason that our fates brought us here, whatever happens next, I’ll never..” 

_"Forget me? "_

Goro stopped him with another kiss. The look on Ren’s face was sorrowful. Goro couldn’t stand to see such a pitiful look on him. Undoing his glove, he wiped away the wetness on his cheeks. He felt the same, but another part of him, he knew what was coming. 

_"I deserve it. Just, let me do this. For myself. For you."_

Goro wanted nothing more than to see Ren, who deserved a clean record, be free. He wanted him to stop giving him these sad looks and meet him once more, in the other life, wearing that devilish grin beneath his mask and fight by his side. 

He couldn't bring himself to say it, not even after his confession. It hurt too much. 

“You still have another promise to keep.” 

Ren's eyes widened and then, he gave a small smile, remembering the glove in his pocket.

“I know.” 

As they parted again, slower this time, Ren watched as Goro headed for the door. Before leaving, the brunette whipped his head around to give him a shaky, uncertain smile.

“Until we meet again, Ren.” 

Ren shook his head, smiling somberly, his eyes welled up once more at Goro's words. Words that to anyone else would be cold but to him, they were laced with love, affection. 

As the café door shut, the only sounds that remained were the grainy noises from the turntable and the lingering jingle of the bell above the door. 

_“I love you too, Ren.”_

If miracles were possible, he'd tell him his true feelings in other world. Another life. 

_"My story will be starring me just like yours._

_Who knows when it will end,_

_What matters most is how you bring joy to life."_

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Note: Shoutout to the participants of Soft Goro Week 2020, I hope you liked my submission!


End file.
